I’ve never been the romantic type; it was well into my college years that I started taking an interest in men. Not all of them and not all the time, as if I’d been waiting for the one all my life. I was 36 when I got to know the love of my life, Brian, through work. He was the same age as me. We hadn’t been going out for even a year when he asked me to marry him. I didn’t hesitate, because I’d known since our first date that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Ours wasn’t a teen love; we were adults, and we knew we wanted a family. We were trying for three years, but we ended up never having kids. After the first years of disappointment, we realized that we were enough for each other, and our happiness wasn’t dependent on us having any children. We have meant the world to each other ever since and we’ve accepted our fate. We both found fulfillment in our work, and traveling and winery had been our shared hobbies ever since we’d known each other. We purchased a small vineyard in Burgundy and decided to make excellent white and red wines for ourselves and our friends. We didn’t shout it from the rooftops, but because of the harmony between us it has always been visible to everyone that we are a good match not only intellectually, but also sexually. Our sex life has always been enviably regular, exciting and all-around satisfying.

We loved each other so much and we were so close that I didn’t expect that anything could come between us. I was 52 when our relationship went through a crisis. Now, four years later, I’d say that after so many years of unclouded happiness I should have expected that difficulties would arise. But then and there, when it happened, I was surprised how much of an impact my body’s otherwise timely change had on me and our marriage.

It started with hot flashes and the uncomfortable nighttime sweating. I wouldn’t say it didn’t bother me because the situation often made me feel uncomfortable, but I was trying to get it under control and accept it. For months I was hoping that this would be it. I knew exactly what it was: menopause had started. I had mood swings just as I had hot flashes. I tried to change my wardrobe accordingly; black and white tops became my new favorites, and I always made sure to have a change of clothes and personal hygiene products to be able to clean myself up after the hot flashes had passed. But it didn’t end there.

The worst symptom for me was the reduction in my libido, which I took much harder than hot flashes. I had never experienced anything similar before; I’d always been in the mood and I often initiated. Up until then, intimacy had been the prime mover and natural by-product of our everyday life. Dejection and frequent rejection took the place of passionate days, which understandably made Brian worried too after a while. It wasn’t my intention, but we started to grow apart. I didn’t want it to happen and become irreversible, but I couldn’t go against my body’s signals.

Both sex and my relationship with my husband were important enough for me to want to resolve the situation. Having experienced the symptoms of the change of life and recognized the cause of the problem, I started researching and brought many ideas into the bedroom. We tried various intimate moisturizing gels and creams to fight vaginal dryness with more or less success. Although my husband appreciated my well-intentioned attempts, the situation didn’t get much better. On the contrary, we had to face new hardships because of different vaginal infections. Not only was it uncomfortable for me, but it also hindered our intimate encounters.

The male-female equilibrium between us became unstable because of the lack of sex and the series of discomforts. This brought a lot of everyday tension, and we often fought over small issues that we’d solved easily earlier. The emotional distance between us kept growing, and it became inevitable to ask for professional help. For years I’d been going to the same gynecologist who supported our attempts at having children, so I didn’t find it hard to turn to them and ask for their professional opinion. My doctor recommended a low-dose vaginal hormone therapy. In the end, this was the therapy that brought acceptable results to me and my husband.

Brian and I talked about our feelings and fears in connection with the situation both during and after menopause. This period of a few years was very difficult for our relationship; it required a lot of patience and understanding from both of us. The unconditional love and commitment between us helped us through this difficult period. Now, at the age of 55, I can say that we came out of this crisis together and even stronger. I’m happy that we wanted each other so much to not back out of the relationship. It wasn’t easy, but we made peace with the new situation and accepted that with time our bodies change too and we have to learn to live with this.